This picture of a crazed bear taking a frog lady hostage is topographically equivalent to a chart comparing two integers

The bear is upset because he lost his job at the bear factory.

The two integers are 12 and 7

blocked by craigslist!

Hello, I am writing from Clearwater, on my "Internet" machine, and I wish to update you my quest for the magical fruit known as the coco-plum.

As you may recall, my last post [ http://tampa.craigslist.org/m4w/729097728.html ] described how I used "Internet" to hack into the memoirs of a dead kidnapper, and discovered therein a most intriguing anecdote regarding the magical fruit of the coco-plum tree. I posted this on craigslist's personals section in hopes of picking up bangin' chicks for meaningful relationships.

First, I would like to thank all those who responded with well wishes and advice. A few personal responses:

Marti - when speaking of the coco-plum, never put " " around the word "magic". It diminishes our heritage, and by extension, the fruit. Also, get some sleep.

Robin - you do not know the full extent of my obsessions. But they certainly don't extend to a drive to Homestead. Not for some stupid fruit anyways. HOWEVER, if I were to find an accessible patch within reasonable walking distance, I could practice both freeganism and carbon neutrality, and if trespassing is involved, it would make me a true DOUBLE CRUNCHY OUTLAW, which is equivalent to three (3) facial piercings and a tribal tattoo. So yeah, eat local, blah blah blah. Also, I would give you the secrets of the Olmecs, but, frankly, if it isn't on the FCAT, you're not gonna teach it.

Jenni - : )

Mary and Lucy - you are robots

Karen - Perhaps not so SOL as you think... which brings me to my news

I have discovered disputable Internet proof that coco-plums exist in Pinellas county! Behold!

http://davesgarden.com/guides/pf/go/67612/

I proceeded to discover that Oldsmar is named after the Olmecs! who knew? (yes, yes)


Furthermore, I have discovered science! Scientists in remote Brazilia have been running extracts of the plant through their various science mills, and have reported:

"[We] investigated the antiangiogenic potential of Chrysobalanus icaco methanol extract..The results showed an average of 44% angiogenesis inhibition in CAM areas with the plant extract compared to the controls. The data indicate that C. icaco methanol extract reduce the formation of new blood vessels in chicken chorioallantoic membrane."

This means that coco-plums get you completely high.

Heartened by this news, I now command the Internet to find my lazy ass some coco-plums. Use that cloud computing stuff.

Thanks again in advance.

I have discovered a new substitue for cocaine!

I am reading the autobiography of a man who kidnapped Native American women and children for a living.


Pamphlets By Samuel Roffey Maitland

After bonding with the Native Americans over meals of snapper turtle and raw bear meat, he realises the error of his ways, frees the captives, and leads the Seminoles in battle against the greedy developers...


ha ha, just kidding, they happily sell them off in Fort Myers




Our hero heads back to do some more kidnapping, this time in the everglades. Which leads us to this curious passage...





I see...

the plant is now used mostly as a shrub and ornamental, also grows wild across southern Florida.

also, the seeds are oily enough to be used as candles.

and furthermore...


A New Voyage Round the World ... By William Dampier, James Knapton






I CAN, WILL AND MUST SEEK OUT THIS MAGICAL COCAINE FIRE CANDY FRUIT THAT IS FIT TO FUCK RATHER THAN BITE, AND COMES RECOMMENDED BY BOTH A FRENCHMAN AND A CALLOUS KIDNAPPER OF INDIANS. As soon as it stops raining.

This started out as an underwater graffiti werewolf...

...an unfortunate soul, every full moon he (or she) not only turns into a wolf woman (or wolf man), but then must swim into the open ocean, and tag a fearsome shark (or shark). If they do not tag at least one shark before sunrise, they turn into an ottoman (or Turk).
The particular underwater graffiti werewolf I planned to draw had spray-painted a dirty word onto a basking shark. This basking shark was subsequently caught by the police fishing squad, and now the wolf man is a DOUBLE OUTLAW.




I can't draw double outlaws very well, so I just drew another stupid space monster, which will serve as a metaphor.

little bird has totally somethinged the gods