varcitos

varcitos
monsters, asemic writing, and stuff

Monday, June 23, 2008

blocked by craigslist!

Hello, I am writing from Clearwater, on my "Internet" machine, and I wish to update you my quest for the magical fruit known as the coco-plum.

As you may recall, my last post [ http://tampa.craigslist.org/m4w/729097728.html ] described how I used "Internet" to hack into the memoirs of a dead kidnapper, and discovered therein a most intriguing anecdote regarding the magical fruit of the coco-plum tree. I posted this on craigslist's personals section in hopes of picking up bangin' chicks for meaningful relationships.

First, I would like to thank all those who responded with well wishes and advice. A few personal responses:

Marti - when speaking of the coco-plum, never put " " around the word "magic". It diminishes our heritage, and by extension, the fruit. Also, get some sleep.

Robin - you do not know the full extent of my obsessions. But they certainly don't extend to a drive to Homestead. Not for some stupid fruit anyways. HOWEVER, if I were to find an accessible patch within reasonable walking distance, I could practice both freeganism and carbon neutrality, and if trespassing is involved, it would make me a true DOUBLE CRUNCHY OUTLAW, which is equivalent to three (3) facial piercings and a tribal tattoo. So yeah, eat local, blah blah blah. Also, I would give you the secrets of the Olmecs, but, frankly, if it isn't on the FCAT, you're not gonna teach it.

Jenni - : )

Mary and Lucy - you are robots

Karen - Perhaps not so SOL as you think... which brings me to my news

I have discovered disputable Internet proof that coco-plums exist in Pinellas county! Behold!

http://davesgarden.com/guides/pf/go/67612/

I proceeded to discover that Oldsmar is named after the Olmecs! who knew? (yes, yes)


Furthermore, I have discovered science! Scientists in remote Brazilia have been running extracts of the plant through their various science mills, and have reported:

"[We] investigated the antiangiogenic potential of Chrysobalanus icaco methanol extract..The results showed an average of 44% angiogenesis inhibition in CAM areas with the plant extract compared to the controls. The data indicate that C. icaco methanol extract reduce the formation of new blood vessels in chicken chorioallantoic membrane."

This means that coco-plums get you completely high.

Heartened by this news, I now command the Internet to find my lazy ass some coco-plums. Use that cloud computing stuff.

Thanks again in advance.

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